Thought Disorder

Monday, June 29, 2009

Common Tests

Tuesday: Econs P2 followed by Chemistry full paper

I'M DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!

One month of holidays - what was I doing? -.- It's really scary how time flies by so quickly, especially true when it comes to the holidays.

Meanwhile, the flu situation is getting worse and worse by the day. I think there are 599 cases as of today (Sunday) with the number of new cases being 145. Judging by how it has been spreading when we were having holidays, it'll most probably escalate like crazy after tomorrow. Wise decision on the non-extension of holidays. They should just extend the holidays and spare us the agony!

And I seem to have sore throat these days.. My mouth is perpetually dry and my nose is also constantly partially blocked. Hope it's not the dreaded virus ugh. I've had enough of hospitals and hospital bills (to hell with them!). I read that if you are a suspected carrier of the flu virus, you'll have to undergo lab tests which cost more than $60 to confirm the suspicion. Seriously, that is damn not worth the money.

12:08 AM

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I feel so demoralised after doing Math.......... BIG FAT SIGH! I predict I'll do badly for Math next week :( Hate this feeling of 'knowing' ughzxzxzx

11:19 PM

Monday, June 22, 2009

一切顺其自然

Mr Khaw said that for now, there will be no extension of the school holidays.

Booooooo. My hopes of stalling time for revision consolidation and chionging thesis were after all an illusion. Uhh :( Very very sad! The funniest thing is that I've switched off the exam mode when exams are in 1 week's time! Screwed.

Anyway, today is Lee Min Ho's 22nd birthday! :D He's in a faraway place like Korea where I can't understand the Korean language at all save for some basics and still rely on subtitles to keep me going on for dramas and he has an uncountable number of fans who are all wishing him happy birthday hahaha. How lucky!!! Today is also BX's and Shuting's birthday. I think I'm blogging about this (really unlike me hurhur) cos it's Lee Min Ho's birthday which is special hahaha not to say that BX's and Shuting's birthdays aren't! :D

Oh BTW hmmm I think if I had money to go travelling I'd go to Japan and Korea again! I went to Korea when I was super super young and my impression of Korea is extremely vague but I remember that the food sucked. But the Korean food always looks good on dramas! Really want to try it for myself since I'm more lucid now as compared to the past. And Japan - I just love everything about that place! :D Even though I learn about sour Sino-Japan ties and the bad side of Japan eg how they fight with China over some island -.- or like the alteration of textbook content , I still insist that it's a cool place with cool culture, cool food and cool language! I'm that superficial haha. But I think this travel plan will not be directly after A Levels. It'll probably be executed after I get a job and get paid or something. Hmm.

After A Levels, my tentative goal is to learn Japanese again and Korean. So I can watch dramas without the subtitles, really annoying thing argh. Actually I also want to learn the violin! It's something similar erhu right like the fingering and stuff so I think it'll be quite okay to pick it up? Hmmm..

Goal of the day: Wake up earlier tomorrow to study!
My ENT appointment is tomorrow! May all go well.

11:52 PM

Sunday, June 21, 2009

1AM

찬란한 유산 is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super addictive!! Feel like watching more. But at the expense of studies? Uh I'm actually doing that now ahh :( And I have been watching SI for the last few days while everyone is working hard. Such a failure... The worst thing is that the drama only airs 2 episodes per week, that is during the weekends. So it's like 18/26 aired now and I've just finished episode 15 as of 1AM. I will be determined to curb the temptation to watch tomorrow and for the remaining pathetic days to CTs! After studying for the last few weeks, I still can't remember a lot of things. And I'm super screwed for Econs like it feels like I vaguely know macro topics but I never study detailedly or put in the effort to remember. Plus I have not really covered some macro topics; my idea of them is based on memory. Ugh.

But who knows, they may just declare a holiday extension come end of the week! *Glee*

If so, not only will I have an extra week to consolidate what I've revised, or supposedly revised for the past few weeks, I'll have time for enjoying thesis! That's so great! D:

Still, I hope they do so I can at least salvage my thesis. Pray like hell!!!

On another note...

Headache status: I'm much better now after going (again) to the Chinese physician to do acupuncture. The previous Chinese physician I went to gave me some medicine and I finished every ounce of it but to no signs recovery and perhaps worsening of the condition. -.- Well but it did work a month ago when I ate it. Hurhur. The Chinese physician I went to told me that I've gastric problems (did I interpret this correctly?) and it causes the headache/the pressure felt on my head. He said that I SHOULD NOT 吃太饱 i.e. the bad effects of Sakae. He also told me that I should avoid fried food, chilli (oh what appropriate timing since I've only gotten to like chilli these days), cold drinks... Eh I'm quite sad about the cold drinks part since I love cold drinks a lot. I mean who drinks hot soya bean milk from Mr Bean or hot bubble tea?! Especially with Singapore's increasingly hot and humid weather... CMI. And sigh frappes - I miss them a lot after not drinking coffee for a few weeks. :( Ok but health is more important alright. Actually I'm not even sure if the physician was right about his diagnosis. But at least I'm better now! :D It'll come back to haunt me again yes. Dread.

Ok actually I feel like eating roti prata and Mr Bean's chocolate pancake now :O I've been sleeping at 1 ++ AM these days because I watch entertainment news from 12-1AM. Bad shit. I wake up super late the next day :( But I tried sleeping at 10-11PM and I still woke up at around the same time. Conclusion: I shall sleep at 1AM but I'll still try to sleep earlier. Must wake up earlier to study!! Going to visit the ear doctor technically tomorrow. May all go well! (:

11:51 PM

Monday, June 15, 2009

Stress Remedies?

If it is merely stress, then I guess stress remedies like anti-stress shampoos work well? Yesterday I picked up a bottle of 'anti-stress' shampoo at the mall with my mom. It's pretty good shampoo - my hair was quite good for the whole day after using it. It's some French brand which is quite unknown to me. As for the anti-stress part, it works okay just that it doesn't alleviate the headache. Right now it feels like the entire left part of my head is numb, like there's something placed on it, or rather, applying pressure on it. Or probably clogged up.

It's a really uncomfortable feeling given that the other half of my head feels perfectly normal. Migraine? I doubt so. Probably something more serious like a brain tumour? I hope not. I don't want to die right now because it would mean that I've just wasted 18 years of my life studying and preparing like hell for an exam which I will not even take in the end. It would also mean that I would have wasted so much of Earth's resources these 18 years which could have been put to better use. It would also mean that I'll not live to see what university life will be like, and what working and marriage will be like. It would also mean that I cannot be the one to exact change to society. It would also mean that my family would be left to fend for themselves in the future.

Solutions, solutions, solutions I need you.

10:30 PM

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Miracle, Please

OMG if there's a perfect product for me now I think it's the OSIM uCrown - anti-stress, relieves headaches and stiff necks, and soothes eyes!!! Hell need it but it's darn expensive like $298?! Insane price tag... If I could get it for free! My head feels so heavy now even after sleeping in the afternoon. And my vision is super bad now I think I should go and prescribe spectacles!!! Seriously my health is just going downhill and I doubt if I can even take A levels in one piece. I'm kind of looking forward to the hospital appointment in 1+ week's time so I can finally tell the doctor that I'm totally totally totally screwed up and I can undergo tests to see what's wrong with me. Something's definitely wrong and I doubt it's only migraine. At the same time I fear to know what's wrong with me because it may be end up to be a really bad thing and God probably can't save me then too. Ahh I need a miracle.

8:28 PM

Friday, June 12, 2009

Terrible Feeling

Ugh feeling absolutely terrible now with a heavy groggy head and the high-pitch sound disturbing me. I feel tired every now and then but I do sleep a lot......really hope everything is fine. Reading up on the Internet makes me ever more depressed and sick. Bad life, really.

8:49 PM

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Tinnitus

Crappppp the tinnitus is loud > :(

How do I kill it!!!

5:53 PM

Monday, June 08, 2009

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY YIWEI! I'm not one of those who made it special. I'm so sorry. As always, birthdays are no good!!! H8 H8 H8. But I will not influence others who love birthdays with this extreme idea...I'm a really nice person y'know. And I'll still adhere to adolescent norms and celebrate them for my friends. Well I'm supposed to do that yes? It's a good experience.

Today was a total crazy mess and I'm thoroughly enervated. Woke up bright early in the morning to take the PAE test which I screwed up real badly. Ahh. I can almost predict that the report will state that "Felicia is really dumb why did she even take the test in the first place?" And if I do go for scholarship interviews the panel of interviewers will be raising their eyebrows at me. Hurhurhur. Aside from that, econs lecture later was quite a good consolidation lecture to tie up loose ends even though it was a tad long and I got really restless. Then at the end of the day I kept drifting off during SOT. Oh, what was I thinking. Ahh. An interesting incident of the day was that I coincidentally met Yiwei at Dhoby Ghaut MRT when I was going home and we went home together! At least I did spend time with the birthday girl. This will negate my guilt slightly hahaha.

Btw, I found my motivation to mug today after experiencing the intense mugging mood in the school library this afternoon after PAE. Such a surreal experience. I must not lose this motivation! I will resist temptation to watch SI at least for these few days since Viikii is down and I've decided that I H8 youku. Yaye!!! Go me! :D Chaomugger mode power up.

11:37 PM

Sunday, June 07, 2009

AHH VIIKII IS DOWN AND I CAN'T WATCH SI. DAMN PISSED. ATTEMPTING TO WATCH ON YOUKU BUT THE VIDEO IS LOADING EXTREMELY SLOWLY...AFTER 3-4 HOURS THE WHOLE VIDEO IS NOT LOADED. (!!!) I'M GOING TO FINISH EPISODE 6 SOON AFTER SO MANY HOURS OF TORTURE LOADING. HAHAHA. YAY. AND YAY IM DONE! :D LET'S HOPE VIIKII RECOVERS SOON. IN THE MEANTIME I SHOULD STUDY...HURHURHUR

Now I should just go and sleep. My headache is coming!!! And I'm kind of disturbed by tinnitus but I'm unsure if it's real or imaginary.

11:29 PM

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Headache!!! D:

There has been an onslaught of mild headaches the past week and the tinnitus seems to be back. (Or am I just imagining it? I hope so.) Perhaps I'm sleeping too late this whole week - I always clock in at around 1am? Even though I get adequate sleep every night, I tend to feel tired throughout the day and when night falls my headache starts to emerge from nowhere. What a bad life.

Currently watching: Shining Inheritance. Although there are massive amounts of revision (and homework) to be done, I've been wasting my days away 1)sleeping till noon 2)eating lunch 3)watching SI (ahh super nice! but it's tough to chase an airing drama which still has more than half left unaired) 4)going out 5)using the computer. A week has passed and I have not progressed much. I always feel guilty before sleeping and I'll set my alarm clock at 8.45am in order to catch up on my revision schedule. But the alarm rings every morning and I just go back to sleep. Furthermore, seeing how occupied week 2 is going to be, I doubt I'll make any marked improvements in studying, not mentioning thesis paper. The thought of this makes me feel so depressed and extremely stressed. Hence the perpetual headache. Today my mum bought me a portable bottle of honey which is supposedly able to alleviate headaches. From now on the honey will belong to my bag, and whenever there's a sign of an impending headache I will eat some honey to see if it works.

Short-term goal: Sleep early every night! (And wake up early to study)

Studying beckons.

9:41 PM

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

My love-hate relationship with caffeine: I love coffee for it keeps me awake like how it did just now when I was on the verge of falling asleep on the couch immediately after lunch. I hate coffee because it gave me slight migraine when I was working on Math. Which proves the information on the net right. Love-hate.

3:42 PM

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

(Un)Happy Holidays!

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY FT! :D Welcome onboard! I hate being older every year. Such an inevitable and unfortunate event...just like an irreversible chemistry reaction. But good thing is that we can all go catch M18 movies someday just for the fun of it :D It was rather anti-climax today 'cause we (SN, ZQ and I) really rushed out the present for the whole of yesterday and in the end ft ponned Math tutorial. Ah but it's alright I'll be seeing you this week anyway;time to chiong lunwen!

:(

I feel extremely spiritless when the thought of doing lunwen this week comes to mind. Ahh. Haven't exactly started on CT revision too. 4 days of the holidays have passed and I'm still really sloppy. Had many activities to distract me in the past 4 days. Add nice HK dramas airing on TV to the list of distractions. When I get home I tend to sleep a lot...ah. Dmnit. C'mon I need to be more hardworking and motivated!!! Just a few months more of shit to real liberation I need to just be super hardworking for a short period of time. Can't imagine studying for A Levels though my files are like EXTREMELY EXTREMELY thick! And lots of revision papers to complete! And TYS to mug! Dread the period before A's because it's going to be real studying and real tension. Anyway new addition of 3 bruises today because the bus driver suddenly stepped on the brakes today when I got up to alight the bus. *curses*

Random thoughts:
Craving for ramen now!
I must catch up on my revision schedule tomorrow!
Kick procrastination out of my life.

10:39 PM

About

Felicia studied in Dunman High School, loves elmo, is a major drama addict and is a cake lover. She has quit coffee even though she loves it.